Diddle-diddle-dee, diddle-diddle-die.
“Come right in,” said the spider to the fly
Diddle-diddle-dee, diddle-diddle-die
“Pucker up now and kiss your ass goodbye”

When I first met Kathy I was so very happy
I prayed that she would never cheat or lie
But then I met her mammy together with her pappy
I began to think I set the bar too high
On our first date, right out of the gate
“Let’s not wait,” she said, and when I asked her why
She said we’re not really screwin’
I believe we’re only doin’ what the bible said:
Be fruitful, multiply

Diddle-diddle-dee, diddle-diddle-die.
“Come right in,” said the spider to the fly
Diddle-diddle-dee, diddle-diddle-die
“Pucker up now and kiss your ass goodbye”

We weren’t married long when she came home after dawn
I said, “Tell me where you been and don’t you lie”
“Why not!” she replied. “It’s always worth a try
It’s time you learned to share your piece of pie”
When I began to suspect she had a moral defect
I paid a private eye to have her followed
“Believe it or not,” he said, “it’s worse than you thought
I’m afraid you have a bitter pill to swallow
She’s hooked up with a con by the name of Antoine
Who’s running from a felony charge
They left a pile of debt, I’m afraid they’re not done yet
And what’s worse, your name is on the card”

Diddle-diddle-dee, diddle-diddle-die.
“Come right in,” said the spider to the fly
Diddle-diddle-dee, diddle-diddle-die
“Pucker up now and kiss your ass goodbye”

I couldn’t really hate her, a few months later
She called from the penitentiary
She said, “There’s more than meets the eye
Why I’m here I don’t know why
But I know we can make it if we try”
Other than her other lover, she said there is no other
And when you love somebody, set them free
“A ménage a trois—it’s just a minor faux pau
For us, it’s everything a love could ever be”
They say the best ones at deceiving are the best ones at believing
All the little lies we tell along the way
So with the help of Santa Clause, despite the suffering she’s caused
We’ll all be breaking out of jail on Christmas Day

Diddle-diddle-dee, diddle-diddle-die.
“Come right in,” said the spider to the fly
Diddle-diddle-dee, diddle-diddle-die
“Pucker up and…”
Thanks to Kathy’s lies, we’re all gonna die!
“…Kiss your ass goodbye! Whoo-hooh!”

Words, music, recording, and production by Richard Faylor
© Deep Happy Music
richardfaylor@yahoo.com
208-713-4002